SALUTATIONS: I like the voice of the paragraph, but did now flow well, seemed splintered as the transitions were a little abrupt;
ORGANIZATION: information is good, voice is good, word choice is weak...for example, renewable energy is a "sensation"...almost seems something frivolous instead of something that each of us desperately needs to commit to in order to have enough energy for our future; some sentences are clumsy both in both construction and word choice; seems that the information portrays the idea of renewable energy is something new, and it's not...academics have been talking about carbon footprints and renewable energy sources for decades; I liked the Independence Day story A LOT! Good voice...you were a bit lax with staying within one tense.
VOICE: LOVED Querencia, only had minor grammatical errors;
WORD CHOICE: words are to an author as paint is to a painter...words paint the picture and can create scenes that are either vibrant or dull; for the most part I like your word choice because it sounds like you; however, I think authors, in order to be profitable, must write for their audience (and not necessarily for personal reasons...although the ideal would serve both the writer and he audience)
CONCLUSION: I like the picture that you used; I think the conclusion is the weakest section of your website: sentence structure is surprisingly confusing and at times incomplete; I can't help but think that you rushed through this portion of the assignment
GENERAL COMMENTS: Need more visually-attractive components to make the website more interesting; for the most part, I liked the fonts that you chose, although the font and size used under the icons under "Home" was painstakingly small...maybe there should be a page break between that ant "Salutations"; I am SO pleased, and AMAZED that you are able to do this level of work. I am VERY proud of you and look forward to seeing what you will create in the future.
What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?
I thoroughly enjoyed "Querencia" as this piece gave me glimpses into your personality and what's important to you. The voice was definitely yours, and the words used were both vivid and evoked emotion in me because it is one of the few times where you appeared unguarded, vulnerable and honest with being in the moment.
What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?
I'm still amazed at your ability, you truly are an accomplished young woman AND an excellent student; I'm very proud of you and you should be proud of ourself as well. I think the best part of your writing s the voice with which you write. I would like to see you improve your organization, transitions...and your proof-reading.
Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me?
Voice...definitely.
Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?
PROOFREAD!!!
ReplyDeleteSALUTATIONS: I like the voice of the paragraph, but did now flow well, seemed splintered as the transitions were a little abrupt;
ORGANIZATION: information is good, voice is good, word choice is weak...for example, renewable energy is a "sensation"...almost seems something frivolous instead of something that each of us desperately needs to commit to in order to have enough energy for our future; some sentences are clumsy both in both construction and word choice; seems that the information portrays the idea of renewable energy is something new, and it's not...academics have been talking about carbon footprints and renewable energy sources for decades; I liked the Independence Day story A LOT! Good voice...you were a bit lax with staying within one tense.
VOICE: LOVED Querencia, only had minor grammatical errors;
WORD CHOICE: words are to an author as paint is to a painter...words paint the picture and can create scenes that are either vibrant or dull; for the most part I like your word choice because it sounds like you; however, I think authors, in order to be profitable, must write for their audience (and not necessarily for personal reasons...although the ideal would serve both the writer and he audience)
CONCLUSION: I like the picture that you used; I think the conclusion is the weakest section of your website: sentence structure is surprisingly confusing and at times incomplete; I can't help but think that you rushed through this portion of the assignment
GENERAL COMMENTS: Need more visually-attractive components to make the website more interesting; for the most part, I liked the fonts that you chose, although the font and size used under the icons under "Home" was painstakingly small...maybe there should be a page break between that ant "Salutations"; I am SO pleased, and AMAZED that you are able to do this level of work. I am VERY proud of you and look forward to seeing what you will create in the future.
What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?
I thoroughly enjoyed "Querencia" as this piece gave me glimpses into your personality and what's important to you. The voice was definitely yours, and the words used were both vivid and evoked emotion in me because it is one of the few times where you appeared unguarded, vulnerable and honest with being in the moment.
What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?
I'm still amazed at your ability, you truly are an accomplished young woman AND an excellent student; I'm very proud of you and you should be proud of ourself as well. I think the best part of your writing s the voice with which you write. I would like to see you improve your organization, transitions...and your proof-reading.
Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me?
Voice...definitely.
Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?
Organization and word choice...AND proofreading.
Mommie