Coming of Age Final

'Cuz Jersey just got colder and
I'll have you know I'm scared to death
That everything that you had said to me was just a lie until you left

Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger
Hold me up just a little bit longer
I'll be fine, I swear
I'm just gone beyond repair
-Jersey, Mayday Parade

     To be fair, I really was scared to death. Shaking legs and twisted headphones, I watched as our car passed the "Welcome back" sign. With music blaring in my ears, our white Toyota Sienna turned into the parking lot. I could see hordes of kids greeting each other with smiles and hugs as the car slowed to a stop. Stepping out, I hear "Bye, sweetie. Have a good day! Make new friends!" behind me. Right, as if I had any to begin with.
     Moving from a private school to a public school was a drastic change for me. Private school was everything I've ever known, and here I was at Moanalua Middle School. There were no longer butterflies in my stomach, but angry bears clawing at my insides as my nervousness grew. Students at Punahou hated Kamehameha, but they hated public schoolers even more. "You're moving schools?" my friend asked. "Wow, I feel really bad for you. You could be raped or killed; I heard that some crazy kid brought a gun to school and killed his entire class!" Not necessairily the first thing you'd want to hear. Walking through the foyer, I hear whispers trailing behind me.
     "Is that the private school girl?"
     "I heard she's a snob."
     "Are you kidding me? All private schoolers are snobs."
     "I bet she's rich."
     "She probably thinks she's better than us. I mean, look at her."

     Months had passed, and it didn't get better. Each day felt like a scheduled punishment, only to be repeated each week. I felt miserable. I was still the private school snob that no one talked to. I kept quiet throughout my classes, not wanting to be judged. My teachers became my friends; their classrooms my cafeteria. Almost everyone that I tried to talk to would scoff, walk away, or both. The rejection was annoying, but bearable. The taunts still followed wherever I went, each more crushing than the one before. I've heard it all by then. So far, I was living in a mansion, had private tutors and a lot of money, and was the weird, conceited, freaky genius girl from Punahou. When my mom asked how school went, I made up names of fake friends in fake stories having fake fun. In reality, I was lonely and friendless. It didn't seem like things would change for a while.

     Staring at the ticking clock, I switched my focus to the whiteboard and our teacher, who was going over a project that we would later submit to a university in Arizona. The talking started to fade as I started intently at the clock, silently begging it to declare the end of the school day. Tick. Tick. Tick. It seemed like the clock was mocking me. Ha. Ha. You. Have. No. Friends. Even the clock was making fun of me now. I'd officially hit a new low. Whilst incoherently muttering about how much I hated class, I felt something light brush my shoulder. I jumped slightly as I whipped my head to the left in surprise. The girl in the next row was leaned over towards me. "Do you know what time class ends?" she whispered. Staring at her in shock for a bit, I registered what she had asked and sighed louder than I meant to. I fumbled as I reached into my backpack and opened my planner, amazed at this rare occurrence of social interaction. "10:45." I replied in a monotone voice. "Thanks!" Her bubbliness was overpowering and slightly disturbing, and then she said something that added to my growing perturbation.
     "So, you're from Punahou?" I froze. It was the first time anyone had chosen to carry a conversation with me that was neither relative nor teacher. I freaked out in my head, but my face showed no change in expression. "Uh, yeah." Insert awkward silence and a sudden interest in my planner. The corner of her mouth slowly turned up. "You don't talk very much, do you?" "Uhh," I started shakily, "Most people seem like they don't like me, so I just keep  to myself." She stared at me in wonderment, as if I was crazy. "Why would you care about what other people think?" My eyebrows furrowed, perplexed, as she continued. "You seem super smart, smarter than a majority of our school, and you care what they think? It doesn't really make sense to me." She shook her head in emphasis, expecting a response of some type. I processed this, slowly understanding what she was trying to tell me. The realization hit me, setting off fireworks in my head and my eyes widened. With a new perspective, I smiled as my eyes met hers. She smiled too, as if she were proud that I finally understood. The words she spoke after that changed my entire year's outcome. "My name's Allie," she said. "Might sound weird, but do you want to be friends?"

     Within the next week, I started to speak up in class and talk to the people that sat around me. Those whom I befriended saw that I wasn't a stuck up snob as they thought, and saw I was just another person. The funny thing was, I did too. I learned that these people weren't here to judge me because of the school I used to go to; they were just kids sent here to learn, just like me. I didn't have to be afraid of them or their opinions. No opinion is right or wrong, good or bad. In addition to that, it was the day I realized that people will never stop judging. Whether out loud or silently, consciously or not, there will never be a time when I'm not being judged. I could let that bother me, or just brush it off. In my case, I gently shoved it off a cliff.